Tips for Putting Together Your Guestlist

Tips for Putting Together Your Guestlist

(Photo from bijou)

After you have your budget and when choosing your venue, it's time to start putting together your guest list. It's okay if you don't have a finalized guest list when touring your venues, but a good estimate is necessary. Having your guest list will facilitate the rest of the planning process because you will need this number to give it to your venue, caterer, and other vendors.

Here are some practical tips that can help you formulate your guest list and finalizing it.

Wedding Budget & Venue

Your budget, your venue size, and your guest list are things that go hand in hand. Depending on your budget, and while researching venues, it's a good idea to keep your number of guests in mind. For example, if your budget is only $10,000, it's unrealistic to want to invite 250 people. Moreover, this situation would be also unrealistic if you are having your wedding at a venue that can only hold 100 guests.

When coming up with your guest list, consider how many people can you realistically pay for and how many people can fit in your wedding venue. Most venues don't need your finalized wedding guest count until weeks before the wedding. It's good to consult with your wedding venue on what are the rules for this. Some businesses (including caterers and other rental businesses) have a deadline for when you need to submit a guest count. Also, some businesses charge you extra for a certain number of guests under or over your final guest count if you have last minute additions or cancelations from guests.

List A & B

A trend that has caught on is having an "A" list and "B" list for your guest list. There are multiple articles (example) out there that provide tips on how to successfully do this. The overall idea is that you have the main list of people to which you send out your wedding invitation to fist ("A" list) and after you have received a few RSVP's from some guests that will not be able to come to your wedding, you send out invitations to other guests ("B" list). This can be done to keep a steady number of your guest list, or to want to include as many people as possible.

The issue with this is that some people from the "A" list that rejected it, can possibly change their response (for whatever reason) by/on the deadline to RSVP. Now, you would have an overflow of guests. Moreover, if the people that you invited on the "B" list find out that they were part of the "B" list, you can offend some people.

Inviting other people after you've had some cancellations can be done, but you have to be very selective and only in a few situations. This is a gamble and a personal choice.

(photo from Glamour)

Kids or no kids?

This is usually a big dilemma for some couples. Sometimes if a couple doesn't include kids in their wedding, it isn't so much because they don't like kids, sometimes it's due to costs. Of course, besides the ring bearer and the flower girl. Although some caterers and venues charge for kids at a reduced price, others charge a full price for children. If you are in this situation, there are some things that you can consider when deciding on this with your fiance.

If you really are torn in this situation, you can also just include children below a certain age or teenagers above a certain age. Babies will not need food or even a chair at the table so they would be okay to bring. Also, if you decide, you can only admit teenagers or adults above a certain age (18 and older or 21 and older).

If you are deciding not to include kids at your wedding, it is important to communicate this to your guests in a way so they understand and don't get offended. Some phrases you can include in your invitation and on your wedding website are:

• Include on the names of the parent(s) on the invitation. For example: "Mr. John Smith & Mrs. Jane Doe" instead of "Family Smith".
• "We adore your children but have limited space. Make it a date night!" This encourages the parent(s) to have a good time.
• "We have reserved 'X' seats in your honor." They should get the hint; and if they don't, they definitely will once they go to your wedding website to RSVP and read the detail there. This is great especially if you don't have much space on your invitation.
• "Management request no children under 'X'." Some venues require guests to be above a certain age.
• "Due to limited space, adults-only reception only please."
• "Adult only reception (18 & over). Children under 12 months, welcome."
• Etc. There are more examples on Pinterest and other blogs, like The Wedding Playbook.

If you decide to restrict the age of the guests, it's important that you are thorough and make no exceptions. If you suddenly decide to make an exception or a few, other parents who had to pay for a babysitter will get offended.

(photo from The Knot)

Time "sensitive"

I know you are very excited about your wedding! It's a big day, a big celebration, and it's only natural that you would people that mean something to you. Unfortunately, some cuts need to happen. Some examples of people that you should consider twice about including are:

• Childhood friends
• Friends from college, high school, middle school, etc.
• Ex-coworkers
• Acquaintances

When considering who to include in your wedding guest list, ask yourself:

Have you spoken to them in the last six months/year?

If the answer is no, then they don't go into your wedding list.

I know that these people have probably played an important role in your life at some time, but you are also on a budget. You want to include people that are actively present in your life.

If you still want to celebrate with them, next time you talk to them, ask them out to dinner to celebrate your big day. This will be perfect for you to celebrate and catch up with them and if they really are your friends, they will understand.

Another time "sensitive" thing to consider is if you will keep ties with them after your wedding. It is almost impossible to make predictions like these, but sometimes you can just tell. If you aren't that close and if you know that the thing that connects you to that person (or people) will culminate soon, don't invite them. This will make it easier to not look back at your wedding photos and regret inviting certain people.

All or None

If you are really close to a particular person (or people) from a group that you are part of (i.e. work, sports, church, etc), and you plan on inviting one or part of them, it's important to invite them all. Invite this person, if he/she is good at keeping the invitation and your wedding a secret, and you are ready to deal with hurt feelings when they find out. I wouldn't recommend it.

So, unless you are able to invite all the group, don't include anyone. You can later invite the group out to dinner along with your new spouse to celebrate.

This rule would also apply with cousins, aunts, and uncles.

(Photo from Brides)

Would you invite them to dinner?

According to Value Penguin, couples are spending an average of $264 per guest at their weddings!

It's important that you and your fiance ask yourselves if you would invite this person/people out to dinner and pay for them.This is exactly what you are doing! You are inviting them to a fancy meal.

If your answer is no, you wouldn't invite them to eat out and pay for them on another night, then you don't include them in your wedding guest list.

Were you invited to their wedding?

If you were invited to their wedding in the past two years (at least), it's wedding etiquette to invite them to yours. Don't invite them if, for example, you were invited to their wedding five years ago and you have not kept in contact.

Again, these are just some tips and general wedding etiquette suggestions. This is your wedding (and your fiance's) and you are free to choose what you want to do. These tips are to get your guest list to a set number that fits within your budget.

Whoever you choose to invite to your wedding, or not, make sure they will add positivity and love to your day.

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