Wedding Party: Bridesmaids & Groomsmen

Wedding Party: Bridesmaids & Groomsmen

Who will you have standing beside you throughout your wedding (besides your spouse, of course)?

Choosing your wedding party can go one of three ways:

1. You have a set number of people you want to have
2. You have no people
3. You have too many people you want to include

Choosing Your Wedding Party

There are some things to consider when picking out people to be part of your wedding party

1. Family: maybe your sisters/brother, cousins, aunts, etc. Think if you are close to them.
2. Future in-laws: they will also be part of your family once you get married, so it is a wedding etiquette to invite your future in-laws (sister/brother) to be part of your wedding party. Also, really consider if you are close to them or not. If you are not, you are not obligated to ask them to be part of your wedding party because they are your future in-laws.
3. Have you talked to them in the past 6 months/year? Even if you may have a childhood, high school, summer camp friend that you were super close to, if you haven't spoken to them in at least six months, it's not recommended that you invite them to be part of your wedding party. Not being in touch for so long is a sign that you two aren't as close are you thought you two were.
4. Have they been an active friend and supporter of your relationship with your fiance/fiancee? Also, it's important and special to include people in your wedding party that has been active supporters of the relationship that you have with your future spouse.
5. Do you see yourself raising kids with them? Invite a person that you actually see this person being close to you for years to come and be an active member of your life. Someone that you would be able to be part even of your kid's lives, a good influence.
6. Will they fit in with the rest of the wedding party? Choose a person who will mesh and go well with the other members of your wedding party (all of their personalities and vibe). You don't want to include a person that you know will cause any drama down the line and cause you more stress in your wedding planning.
7. Will they be able to fulfill their responsibilities? It's also important to choose a person who will be able to help you along the wedding planning process, especially with the responsibilities that you assign to them. Consider not only their ability to commit but also if their schedules are available and if they are able to afford it. Being part of the wedding party is expensive because this person (especially the Maid of Honor and the Best Man) are expected to buy an outfit for the wedding and plan and attend the Bachelorette/Bachelor party.

After you have considered the seven above points you can start your list. Try to keep this list private, only between you and your significant other. This way, people don't get offended if they are not included in the list. Moreover, you don't want to add people to the list because you feel bad for making them feel sad for not including them in the list. This doesn't only add pressure to you, but it's also an added cost for you (in terms of proposal and gift on the day of the wedding). 

Another aspect to consider when formulating your wedding party list is to have a good ratio with your wedding guest list. You want to have a balanced number. You wouldn't want to have ten bridesmaids and ten groomsmen when you only have fifty guests. It's important to see your list and plan accordingly. According to Vogue, the "normal" ratio is one bridesmaid/groomsmen for every fifty guests.

Wedding Party Proposals

This is a more recent thing, but now most engaged couples look for ways to propose to their friends and family and ask them to be part of their wedding party. This is totally customizable to how you want to approach this project and make it yourself or even buy them on Etsy.

If you do choose to make your own, there are hundreds of videos or pins on Pinterest, for your inspiration. You can tailor your boxes according to your wedding (i.e. wedding colors, earrings or a bracelet to wear on the wedding date, etc.), some TLC items (i.e. facial masks, bath bombs, nail care, etc.) or according to your individual bridesmaids (i.e. their favorite candy, drink or a personalized item, etc). Most boxes include a card asking that person to be part of your wedding party and even a mini bottle of booze!

A good way to keep this expense cost effective is to keep an eye out for sales and DIYing some of the items. One tool you can use is Canva or Picmonkey to create the cards.

Here is a video of proposal boxes on a budget.

Wedding Party Responsibilities

The most important aspect of this is that you communicate with your wedding party what you expect of them for the whole wedding process.

Jamie Wolfer has a video on general bridesmaids responsibilities and how to be a great bridesmaid. There are many resources (i.e. Pinterest) out there that you can provide for your wedding party to later reference.

Before the Wedding

Make you that you communicate if you want a bachelor/bachelorette party, a bridal shower, dress/tux fitting, engagement party, etc. It's important that you communicate the responsibilities that they will have before the wedding. This way, they not only know what is expected of them, but they also know what they need to be planning for the months before your wedding.

This also gives them a chance to save up if they need to for a specific trip, or for the specific event. It would also be good if you were to tell them the exact expectations and specifications for a dress/tux/suit, shoes, makeup/hair, or any other accessories for the day of the event/wedding.

Wedding Date

It's essential that you tell your bridesmaids and groomsmen if you expect them to help with anything the day of the wedding. Whether that be basic things like making sure you and your spouse always look well for pictures and each other (i.e. make-up for the bride), helping the bride managing the dress when going to the restroom, or making sure that the wedding is going according to schedule, etc.

Also, if you are having a wedding without a wedding coordinator, it's important that you get someone (maybe the people in your wedding party) to help with setting up and tearing down. It would also be very helpful if you give the maid/matron of honor and the best man a copy of the wedding timeline. This way, they will not only make sure everything is running smoothly but also that they can act as the point of reference when people have any questions, so that you and your spouse aren't running all over the place.

Speech

If you will be having some of your wedding party members it's important to make sure that they are prepared. Here is a video of a Maid of Honor Speech. Watching example videos is a good way for them to prepare, even if they are the outgoing type that doesn't get nervous in public speaking. Wedding speeches are totally different than talking in front of a group of friends or in front of a classroom or work.

If you are having some members of your wedding party it's important that you also limit this to the maid of honor and best man and maybe one more person from each side (bride's and groom's). This is to avoid boring your guests with so many speeches (since they will have already heard speeches from you and your spouse and some of your family already). Tell them to limit their speeches to two or three minutes. This way, of they go over in time one or two minutes, they will be fine.

Final Thoughts

At the end of the day, and as silly as this sounds, this is your wedding day! You are entitled to make this day as you want. There are no rules or "regular" ways to do things. These rules are just tips, but it's up to you to create YOUR perfect wedding day.

You choose who you want to stand next to you as you declare your love to your significant other and become husband and wife.


Please leave comments and questions below & share!